Speechless

During Sunday School this morning, Courtney collapsed.

Okay, that's a little dramatic - I think. I'll let you decide...

She and a friend were horsing around and the friend kicked her in the butt. Immediately, Courtney experienced severe abdominal pain and began vomiting. She made her way to the bathroom in the youth department where she continued to vomit and writhe in pain. She was found by hero number one and checked on by hero number two. While hero number one went to get me, hero number two stayed with her.

When I got to her, my heart fell to my feet. Shaking, vomiting, sweating, pale as a sheet, hurting more than she's ever hurt in her life, my precious daughter was sitting on the bathroom floor. One look and I knew - we were ER bound. While hero number two stayed with her, I went to get her father from our Sunday School class. We collected everyone together and rushed her to the ER. We (Todd and I), in our vast medical knowledge and education, were sure her appendix was rupturing. Okay...maybe not that (even though my own experience with appendicitis last November at least gave us some knowledge) but we knew something serious was happening.

Have I mentioned this child never gets sick and almost never cries?

Todd dropped us off at the ER door and while waiting the extremely long five minutes for them to call her back, my beloved child begged me to keep her from dying. She literally said, "Mom, please ask Jesus not to take me yet." Let me just tell you. Those are words you never hope your child even thinks, much less asks. All the strength in the world won't hold back tears on that one.

They took her back to a room immediately and, as the nurse took her vitals, Courtney's color began to improve. It was slight, and she was still writhing in pain, but I noticed. The nurse's eyes told me she believed the same as me...something serious seemed to be going on. We waited for some time for the doctor and as we waited, she seemed to become less irritable - she was pretty sharp-tongued early on. The doctor finally came and announced that they were going to run some tests (gasp!) and he'd make a diagnosis after those (I'd have never guessed). One funny thing...he did ask Courtney if church normally kicks her in the butt like that. Her answer: not usually enough to land me in the ER!

Both mine and Todd's phones were constantly buzzing with friends and family inquiring about Courtney and offering prayers. It was very comforting as we waited - and waited - and waited some more.

When the doctor finally came in with a diagnosis, Courtney was feeling much better. And by much better, I mean hardly any pain, no vomiting, no shaking, no sweating, normal color - and hungry. The diagnosis? A UTI. My jaw dropped. I've had UTI's before. I've never heard of, seen or experienced them doing what Courtney went through.

After getting her something to eat and taking her to (at her request) hero number two's house - Todd and I had time to debrief. He firmly believes - and my belief is growing - that something serious was going on with Courtney and the prayers of friends and family healed her.

I believe in prayer. Truly I do. But I can't tell you the transformation I saw before my eyes today. Can it really be explained as answered prayer? A miracle?

My brain wants to look at the evidence but my heart tells me it's true - prayer changed things.

And I'm speechless...

Friends or Acquaintances?

I can't be the only one...we can't be the only couple...it's not just us.

Those are the words I spoke to our pastor and friend a few days ago. After his sermon last Sunday, my heart and mind have been busy battling the truth. We don't have friends.

We need connection. We are designed to connect with others. And we are lacking.

I've always been insecure in my friendships. "They don't really like me. I'm not good enough to be their friend. They think I'm weird. I am weird. Their lives are more together than mine." I really don't have to go on. I can't be the only one that thinks that way.

For people surrounded by other people, we are not connected at all. Oh sure, if you're reading this you might THINK we're connected - I thought so too. After all, I do care for you and others very deeply. But I'm not CONNECTED to you. Todd and I are not CONNECTED to other couples. We look at others in our church and community and see deep, long-suffering, loving relationships and we say "how is that possible?" We can't be the only couple saying that.

After talking with Michael, I am assured that it's not just us. There are others out there that are without that "inner circle." There are others that pass hundreds of people in the church hall saying, "hello, how are you" and never even think about talking with those people outside of church. There are others that go to work every day and have those superficial, non-committal relationships we call friendships and go home lonely. There are others that want someone to ask them how their prayer life is going...what they're learning from the Bible...how their relationship with Christ is. There are others who want someone to listen as they describe the idiotic thing they did at Walmart today and be just as attentive when their pouring their heart out through tears.

But to have those type of relationships takes investment. Having those type of relationships takes trust and faith and forgiveness. It takes a certain level of acceptance, a high level of confidence and an even higher level of commitment. Those type of relationships take being able to set, accept and abide by boundaries. They take an awareness of where you belong in others lives as well as where they belong in yours. They take the ability to feel and think - the ability to be where someone is and then move with them into the next phase - sometimes immediately.

Having friends takes work. Hard work.
Perhaps that's why so many of us have opted for having acquaintances we call friends?
And perhaps that's why, when it really counts and when we really want that deep, close connection we find we are lacking.

It's not just me.
It's not just us.
It's all of us.