Celebrating Todd!

When Todd was laid off in November of 2009, it was by far the most devastating thing we'd experienced. Both of our hearts were broken. Both of us were ripped apart inside as the "family" we thought we were a part of betrayed us. I felt torn between supporting my husband and working for the company he now despised.

I can't explain adequately what I watched my husband go through. What he did was who he was. When it was taken away, his identity was too. Heart broken, spirit broken, hope broken - everything was broken within him. I couldn't do anything for him, I couldn't undo what had been done and I couldn't heal the wound that was gaping in his heart. I watched as day after day he sunk to a new low. There were many times he didn't answer his phone and my heart would stop. I even called the neighbor to check on him. His pain was real and consuming and it scared me.

God has been our ever-constant companion throughout the whole ordeal. At first, He surrounded us with loving friends and family who made themselves ready to listen, support and encourage both of us. Then, God provided me with a new opportunity at work which gave me new focus and began to rebuild the confidence we lost. God provided opportunity for Todd to minister in new ways through Hope Lives. He showed Todd what He wanted him to do next though contacts made at that event. God provided for us financially. He provided for us spiritually and emotionally. He's listened when we cried, been patient with our anger and restored us in our suffering.

A year later, Todd is doing well. He's worked to overcome his hurt and fears. He's worked to improve his relationships with both of our girls. He's worked to become a better husband. If that were all he'd accomplished, I'd be as pleased as punch.

But it's not. In August, he went back to school for massage therapy and today, we celebrate his first semester GPA of a 4.0! He has used his circumstances to reach out to others. In addition to visiting several churches to share with them Hope Lives (the RFBC community outreach event held in the spring), he's spoken to individuals and groups about what he's been through and how he's chosen to overcome it. I am so proud of my husband!

God Was Watching Over Me

I had to have an emergency appendectomy this past Wednesday. It hit me very fast - literally at 12:30 I was eating lunch and by 3:00 I was lying on the bed at the doctor's office crying and sweating from the pain. God was looking down on me though. Even in my pain, I could see it:

1. I called the doctor's office when I couldn't diagnose my pain and they told me to come immediately there. I drove myself to the office, not a smart thing to do when you're doubled over in pain. I don't even remember the drive there. God was watching over me.

2. By the time I got to the office, I couldn't stand up straight the pain was so bad. I had long since given up on holding back tears and let them fall freely. I've been a patient there for many years and know some of the nurses and doctors personally. My favorite nurse also happens to be a friend of our's mother. She took one look at me and went running for pain relief. God was watching over me.

3. The doctor asked me some questions and then said she was sending me to the hospital to CT my tummy. Todd was in a massage at the college. I couldn't get ahold of him to come get me and I clearly could not drive any more. I simply hit "send" on my phone and reached Danna. Danna and her husband (Bill) weren't supposed to be home Wednesday afternoon. They were and while Danna came to get me, Bill went to find Todd. God was watching over me.

4. Todd was in the massage room at the school with three other people doing a massage. They lock the door when they're massaging to give those who derobe peace of mind that no one else is coming in. The security guard was beating on the door and when Todd answered it, he said, "Are you Todd Shore?" From the "worst case scenario" department, Todd's heart paused and he said yes. The guard then said, "they've taken your wife to the hospital." We found out later that Bill hadn't told the guard that. He just told him he needed to get to Todd ASAP. God was watching over me.

5. The CT scan was done and showed an inflamed and infected appendix. The surgeon was in the hospital and would be down in a little bit. The surgeon was the same doctor who did Todd's hernia surgery a little over a year ago. God was watching over me.

There are other, little things that we have realized. Work has been CRAZY lately. We just finished up the Baptist State Convention and our last Care Team training for the year. If the timing had been off even a few days, the whole team would have been left in a lurch. Todd's mom just returned from the beach on Tuesday. If I'd gotten sick even a day earlier, she wouldn't have been here to help with the girls.

I don't wish appendicitis on anyone. The pain is worse than child birth and the fear of not knowing what's wrong is crippling. But I do wish that each of you could know, even in times of crisis, that God is watching over you. It's the peace in the center of the storm and it's unbelievable.

He did WHAT?!

Okay, I sooo have to tell you all what happened to Todd.

As you may (or may not) know, Todd is taking massage therapy classes at DCCC. He is getting ready to take "freebie" clients so let him know if you're interested.

ANYWAY!

In his class, as you can expect, they "practice" on each other. I doubt I could ever get used to derobing in a classroom. There's this one guy (name withheld to protect his identity) that no one in the class likes. He's THAT guy - you remember the one - always running about 10 minutes behind everyone else, asks dumb questions that make no sense, gives people the creeps. Yeah, him.

So the people in Todd's class don't like to get this guy as their partner. Todd tells stories of people getting massages by this guy and they're stiff as boards. No one wants to give him a massage either. Ewww!

So, the other day, I asked Todd how his class went. This is how the conversation went:

Me: How'd class go today?
Todd: Horrible
Me: Oh, no, you must have had him.
Todd: Yep
Me: Did he do anything to you?
Todd: Yes
Me: (getting a little defensive of my man), What did he do?
Todd: that son of a gun farted on me.
Me: (stiffling a giggle) Did he really?
Todd: Yes, we had to massage glutes and as he was rolling over, he let out a long, wet-sounding, smelly fart.
Me: (unable to breathe for laughing so hard) I'm so...no really I am...sorry.

In case you don't know, glutes are butt. They were learning glute massage and so this guy (sans underwear) waited until he was rolling over and FARTED.

The whole class LOST it. Todd said it sounded like they were in middle school again. Even the instructor was laughing. Todd wasn't (of course) but everyone else was.

And get this, the guy didn't even apologize! He just said, "it ain't THAT funny!" and waited on Todd to finish! Todd said he had to walk away for a minute. It was BAD!

The instructor told him that had NEVER happened before. Not in her massages, not in her classes. No one had ever farted during a massage! Word spread through the entire department like wildfire. My poor hubbie was the laughing stock of the department!

Sure wish I could figure out a name for "has been farted upon" - that would be GREAT!

Wisdom from Miley Cyrus

When you have children, there are a few things that are all but impossible to avoid: Cartoons, McDonald’s, toy stores, playgrounds, drama and the latest artists in the “tween” category of music. It is from this last group that the inspiration for this post comes. I, personally, am not a Miley Cyrus fan. I wasn’t an “Achy Breaky Heart” fan either, for those of you old enough to know what that is. I am, however, a beneficiary of the latest social networking phenomenon of Twitter.

What in the world does Miley Cyrus and Twitter have in common? Nothing is the current answer to that question. But up until last week, Miley was a huge Twitter fan. Much to the pop culture media’s dismay she deleted her Twitter account “for good reason.” The media outlets would have you believe that “good reason” was her current boyfriend wanted her to delete it and she obliged. But if you followed the media storm she caused, you would have learned that she later said “It wasn’t because my friend told me to. I stopped living for moments and started living for people.”

It’s true. We live in a world that literally goes from moment to moment, event to event, task to task. We don’t take the time to consider the people who are RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.

Think I’m wrong? Consider this: once you leave church on Sunday morning, how often do you think about the people you go to Sunday School with or those who sing in the choir? Does your “to do” list include calling or sending cards to those needing a pick me up or just tasks to prepare for the next event? Can you remember who you spoke to and what it was about last week? How far back in the week can you go? No cheating, it can’t be work related – it has to be personal.

Oh sure, there are a few exceptions. But much like watching the Super Bowl to see the commercials, the people in our lives get sandwiched in between event after event. Some, like the best commercials, leave a big enough impact on us that we remember them, but for the most part, they get lost in the noise of our lives.

Don and Kathy Basha are friends of ours were missionaries in Africa in the bush for two years. When they returned stateside, they had an incredibly difficult time adjusting to life here. You see, where they were, PEOPLE were more important than EVENTS. If you were on your way to a meeting and a friend was in need, it was expected that you stop your journey and help your friend take care of what they needed. If you were hours late for your meeting, it was okay…that’s the way they lived. Don spoke of being late to where they were going just because someone needed to talk.

Can you imagine being hours late for a meeting in our society – no matter what the reason? In college, if a professor was 15 minutes late, the class was cancelled – even if it was a 4 hour class. If your doctor doesn’t see you within 20 minutes of your arrival, you’re encouraged to let the front desk know of your wait time. If we don’t get out of service until 12:10, the pastor becomes concerned that a spontaneous throat ailment has suddenly overtaken his now coughing congregation. Food isn’t considered “fast” if it doesn’t hit your hands within three minutes of ordering. If the phone rings more than twice, you have to answer it – even if that means putting the current conversation you’re having on hold.

We have become a society that lives from event to event or task to task. We live for the next “twitter moment” or “update status” for our Facebook pages while forgetting that PEOPLE are more important.

Undeserved

"Someone said you needed help - Don't Delete"

That was the subject line of the email. Oh, how many times we've gotten emails promising "help" if we'll just fork over our social security number or address. Todd, for some reason, gets quite a bit of them and he's begun a little game by reading them and seeing what they promise.

He forwarded the email to me and I received it on my phone...as I'm trying to negotiate (badly) downtown Charlotte traffic.

"I heard through a mutual friend that your family is having a rough time. That person and I choose to remain anonymous."

This is so not starting out like the other emails. The anonymity of it is sort of similar...but now they're talking about some pretty private stuff. I missed my turn.

"But I've been in your situation and know how hard it can be. Someone once helped me & wouldn't let me pay them back. They asked me to pay it forward."

Okay, I've heard about "pay it forward" deals. I think the first time I heard it was in Chick Fil A. There was a long line around the drive through and when I finally reached the window, the cashier explained that my meal had been paid for with the only instructions from the donor was to pay it forward. The long line was from her having to explain to each car about the gift because once received, they immediately paid for the meal behind them. I missed another turn. My GPS was not happy with me.

"So that's what I'm doing. I was looking for a family that could really use the help like I once did and a friend suggested you and gave me your information."

At this point, I'm shaking. Surely not. We don't deserve this kind of gift. Surely there are strings attached...surely this is some sort of scam! I missed another turn but at this point, don't care.

"I sent you [an amount I won't disclose but that's more than I would even have prayed for] via Western Union. Through the information I received from your friend, I sent it to Michael Todd Shore. I hope that is correct. You need your licence to pick it up at any Western Union location and the control # which is [withheld from this blog]. I hope this helps your family. Love, Susie Helperouter :-)"

I don't remember the next few minutes very well. I was driving and my GPS was yelling at me but I was completely ignoring it. I hit the speed dial on my phone and called Todd.

Wouldn't it be really mean if I said right here it was a scam or cruel joke? Just making sure I have you hooked...

I asked Todd if he thought it was a scam. He said no. I asked him if someone really sent us [the amount] and he said he knew they did. I shook my head and asked how. He said, "I went to Western Union. It's legit."

WHAT!?

If you're reading this blog, you're one of our most trusted friends. But we've held our situation pretty close to the vest. I can't begin to imagine who would know enough to tell someone we've been struggling. And of that pool, those who know Todd's full name are even fewer.

To try and figure out who knew and said something, in my opinion, cheapens the gift. Even still being in shock, I know that much.

My immediate response is thank you. If you were the "friend" or even the donor, know that you have helped more than you could possibly know. And if none of you are either, I pray that this story will be a reminder to you of God's grace, His provisions and how very much He loves us - even though we don't deserve it.

A Black Box

Have you ever felt like you've been living in a black box? I sat in church today and looked around at people that I truly care about. I wondered what they've been up too lately. I wondered what their hurts were, what they were rejoicing in and how their lives were going.


You may ask yourself "if you really care about them, don't you know these things?"


And my answer is no...because I've been living in a black box. It was so dark in the box that I couldn't see anything outside of it.


As many of you know, life turned uber challenging for us last November. The loss of Todd's job/ministry has plagued our lives in ways we never even imagined.


Then, over the summer, he was blessed by being the part-time, temporary children and youth minister for FBC Laurinburg. Over the course of 10 weeks, I watched my husband come back to life. Even though we knew it was temporary, the experience of leading a youth and children's ministry and working with their pastor was worth the sacrifice. During the summer, he connected with teenagers and loved on children in ways he never thought he would again. On the last Sunday there, he told them they'd given him his purpose back. Those words were so refreshing to my soul. I have to admit there were days I was scared too death when he didn't answer his cell phone. Having my husband back - the man I've loved for almost 20 years - is more than I hoped for, more than I expected God to give me and certainly more than I deserve.


I am not proud that my faith waivered during the last few months. I tried to stay strong. I tried to stay connected to my church (as much as one can when your family is scattered between four counties most of the summer). I tried to stay connected to friends - or at least I thought I did.



I have been able to see God work - regardless of my disconnect from Him. He, no doubt, pulled us through. He, no doubt, provided me with a strength I never had. He, no doubt, prompted the prayers offered on our behalf. He, no doubt, held Todd up as he struggled through.


This week I have felt like the lid has begun to lift off the box. I have hope again that things are going to work out. I see my husband excelling at school, making new friends and improving his self-esteem. My children, although still going through transition to the new schools, seem to be adjusting well. The transition into my new position is going well. I am beginning to see Light come into the darkness.

We still have struggles, no doubt. We are still weak in many areas of our lives and I am sure our struggles are not over.

But there's hope. And peace. And a renewing that only comes from Him.

And I am so grateful.

A New Heart

I was very young – maybe seven. I’ve read studies that say we don’t remember anything before about five years old and that between five and seven, we don’t remember specific things that happened to us. I remember many things about my early childhood – very specific things.

For a long time I doubted whether it was a real salvation experience. I didn’t understand what I was doing, didn’t understand what was required of me and had never heard of God or Jesus. But the seed was definitely planted.

I was staying with our next door neighbor. She was a single lady whom my parents relied on when they needed her but otherwise bad-mouthed her behind her back. Undoubtedly, she’d been told I was a “bad child.” From the time I was five years old, I’d been labeled a bad child so by the time I turned seven, I was used to it.

I was sitting on a bed. The walls were green and the bedspread was white – the kind that had those little white balls in a pattern on top. The curtains were those white sheers that let in lots of light and smelled funny.

My neighbor told me there was a man that could give me a new heart. I covered my chest with both hands in case he was nearby. She went on to explain that if I asked this man to give me a new heart, he would and then I would be a good little girl. She said that my new heart would help me do what my mother and step-father said to do and that I would be sweet and good. I very much wanted this new heart, but I was afraid it would hurt. She told me that the heart was not in my body but more in my mind. She talked about that little voice I could hear in my head and how that was part of the heart. She said even that little voice would be different – everything would be different and I’d be a good little girl and that my parents would love me again because I was good.

She explained that the man who would give me a new heart was God’s Son and His name was Jesus. She said God, the Father, made everything on earth kind of like how I make stuff when I play with Play-Doh.

She asked me if I wanted this new heart from this Man. She asked me if I wanted to be good again. I said I did and she told me to close my eyes. She asked the man to give me a new heart and make me good again. She thanked Him for my new heart and for me being good again. Then she told me I could open my eyes.

I didn’t feel any different. The little voice didn’t sound different. My chest didn’t hurt. But she assured me that I had a new heart and that I was going to be good again. Then, we went to the kitchen where she made me a bologna and mustard sandwich.

As I said earlier, I doubted this experience as a true salvation experience for a long time. I was so young, the wording was not “normal” for a salvation prayer and I didn’t fully understand what was going on.

I know there’s a little more to it. We need to understand who God is, who Jesus is and how their roles are key to our salvation. We need to understand the sacrifice. I’m not belittling that at all.

But – think about this – when we ask Jesus to forgive our sins and to make us whole again through Him, aren’t we at the very core asking Him to give us a new heart and make us good again? And if we ask Him to make us good again, aren’t we by default admitting we’re bad/sinful? And after we ask Him, don't we have complete and total faith that He has forgiven us, regardless of how we feel?

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." Ezekiel 36:26-27

Making it Private

I am making my blog private.
If you want to continue to read it, please email or text me to let me know so I can make sure and send you an invitation.

Why? Because the stuff I share here is personal. I haven't updated much lately because anyone and everyone's been able to see. I just figured out how to make it private and am doing so.

So, when you email or text me (and if you're on my blog roll I'd like you to do that so I can continue reading yours too), give me your email address so I can add you. If you email or text me and I don't add you, my stuff is none of your business.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

~ J

A Mother's Joy

All my family will be together in heaven!

It was an amazing feeling when I realized that fact. It's still gives me a tingle whenever I think about it. Even more special to me is that I was present for all of their salvation experiences - even Todd's.

Tonight was Caton's turn to be baptized and boy, was she excited! She packed her stuff two hours before we had to be at the church. Her excitement was fun to watch as she buzzed around the house looking for her "all white" outfit, towels, and hair brush. Come to think of it, she hasn't moved that fast for much of anything else!

When we got to the church and met with Pastor Michael, we learned there were 10 people being baptized and all of them were under the age of 12. What an amazing feeling it was to watch those little ones go into the water!

Here is Caton in her baptismal robe:

I love this picture! She is listening to Michael welcome everyone and she is so excited! Her hands are clasped together and she looks angelic - notice I said LOOKS!

Here she had just gotten into the water and I guess she's looking at her hands under it. You can see the "grasp this moment" attitude in her facial expression too!

Michael was asking how early she got packed to come to church and she said two hours early. Her face says it all!

I baptise you in the name Father, Son and Holy Spirit...

The camera doesn't go fast enough for me to get her going under and then coming back up.

I couldn't help but remember what our old church used to say as people were baptized. In addition to "in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit" they said, "Buried with Christ unto death, raised up to walk in the newness of life."

As I stood there and watched the water run off my youngest's face, I thought about the newness of life she will experience. The closeness and love she will feel as she grows in her relationship with her Father, and the heartache she will feel in realizing some she knows will not choose Him. I thought about how she and I will share eternity together with her dad and sister.

I am thankful that my family's eternity is secure. I am so thankful for a church family who loves us and welcomes us in. I am thankful for a church staff who are willing to personally invest in our lives as a family and each of us as individuals. My family doesn't just call the church staff our "ministers" or "pastors", we call them friends.