A Black Box

Have you ever felt like you've been living in a black box? I sat in church today and looked around at people that I truly care about. I wondered what they've been up too lately. I wondered what their hurts were, what they were rejoicing in and how their lives were going.


You may ask yourself "if you really care about them, don't you know these things?"


And my answer is no...because I've been living in a black box. It was so dark in the box that I couldn't see anything outside of it.


As many of you know, life turned uber challenging for us last November. The loss of Todd's job/ministry has plagued our lives in ways we never even imagined.


Then, over the summer, he was blessed by being the part-time, temporary children and youth minister for FBC Laurinburg. Over the course of 10 weeks, I watched my husband come back to life. Even though we knew it was temporary, the experience of leading a youth and children's ministry and working with their pastor was worth the sacrifice. During the summer, he connected with teenagers and loved on children in ways he never thought he would again. On the last Sunday there, he told them they'd given him his purpose back. Those words were so refreshing to my soul. I have to admit there were days I was scared too death when he didn't answer his cell phone. Having my husband back - the man I've loved for almost 20 years - is more than I hoped for, more than I expected God to give me and certainly more than I deserve.


I am not proud that my faith waivered during the last few months. I tried to stay strong. I tried to stay connected to my church (as much as one can when your family is scattered between four counties most of the summer). I tried to stay connected to friends - or at least I thought I did.



I have been able to see God work - regardless of my disconnect from Him. He, no doubt, pulled us through. He, no doubt, provided me with a strength I never had. He, no doubt, prompted the prayers offered on our behalf. He, no doubt, held Todd up as he struggled through.


This week I have felt like the lid has begun to lift off the box. I have hope again that things are going to work out. I see my husband excelling at school, making new friends and improving his self-esteem. My children, although still going through transition to the new schools, seem to be adjusting well. The transition into my new position is going well. I am beginning to see Light come into the darkness.

We still have struggles, no doubt. We are still weak in many areas of our lives and I am sure our struggles are not over.

But there's hope. And peace. And a renewing that only comes from Him.

And I am so grateful.