A New Heart

I was very young – maybe seven. I’ve read studies that say we don’t remember anything before about five years old and that between five and seven, we don’t remember specific things that happened to us. I remember many things about my early childhood – very specific things.

For a long time I doubted whether it was a real salvation experience. I didn’t understand what I was doing, didn’t understand what was required of me and had never heard of God or Jesus. But the seed was definitely planted.

I was staying with our next door neighbor. She was a single lady whom my parents relied on when they needed her but otherwise bad-mouthed her behind her back. Undoubtedly, she’d been told I was a “bad child.” From the time I was five years old, I’d been labeled a bad child so by the time I turned seven, I was used to it.

I was sitting on a bed. The walls were green and the bedspread was white – the kind that had those little white balls in a pattern on top. The curtains were those white sheers that let in lots of light and smelled funny.

My neighbor told me there was a man that could give me a new heart. I covered my chest with both hands in case he was nearby. She went on to explain that if I asked this man to give me a new heart, he would and then I would be a good little girl. She said that my new heart would help me do what my mother and step-father said to do and that I would be sweet and good. I very much wanted this new heart, but I was afraid it would hurt. She told me that the heart was not in my body but more in my mind. She talked about that little voice I could hear in my head and how that was part of the heart. She said even that little voice would be different – everything would be different and I’d be a good little girl and that my parents would love me again because I was good.

She explained that the man who would give me a new heart was God’s Son and His name was Jesus. She said God, the Father, made everything on earth kind of like how I make stuff when I play with Play-Doh.

She asked me if I wanted this new heart from this Man. She asked me if I wanted to be good again. I said I did and she told me to close my eyes. She asked the man to give me a new heart and make me good again. She thanked Him for my new heart and for me being good again. Then she told me I could open my eyes.

I didn’t feel any different. The little voice didn’t sound different. My chest didn’t hurt. But she assured me that I had a new heart and that I was going to be good again. Then, we went to the kitchen where she made me a bologna and mustard sandwich.

As I said earlier, I doubted this experience as a true salvation experience for a long time. I was so young, the wording was not “normal” for a salvation prayer and I didn’t fully understand what was going on.

I know there’s a little more to it. We need to understand who God is, who Jesus is and how their roles are key to our salvation. We need to understand the sacrifice. I’m not belittling that at all.

But – think about this – when we ask Jesus to forgive our sins and to make us whole again through Him, aren’t we at the very core asking Him to give us a new heart and make us good again? And if we ask Him to make us good again, aren’t we by default admitting we’re bad/sinful? And after we ask Him, don't we have complete and total faith that He has forgiven us, regardless of how we feel?

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." Ezekiel 36:26-27