An OCD New Year's Eve!

I've started this post three times now.
I guess if I'd blog more often, I wouldn't have to try to decide what to say everytime I log in, huh?

To satisfy my OCD (obviously can't decide) and cover everything quickly, I'll do topical summaries...

1. Christmas vacation - I finally did it! I finally took two weeks off at Christmas and haven't worked a SINGLE BIT since December 17th! My kids are proud of me. I'm proud of me. And I'm scared of what things are going to be like on January 4th. If you think about it, remember me? Meltdown is forecast for sure!

2. Christmas Eve - we went ice skating! Outside! It was storybook-like, magical and memory making. It was also cold, painful and hilarious. We went for coffee afterward. It was awesome!

3. Scooter - right before Christmas, Caton and I found a puppy bouncing around outside Family Dollar. He was too cute to leave to be run over so we brought him home to make flyers to put up and make sure he was safe until his real owners claimed him. A few days later, he officially became ours. The lady who'd been keeping him (because he just waltzed into her house a few weeks earlier) told her kids his owners came for him. I couldn't bear the thought of making her out to be a liar and disappointing my kids! Obviously it was a win-win.

4. White Christmas - it snowed! Like a lot! And it snowed on Christmas! The last time it snowed in this area on Christmas was the late 1960's. Seriously. It was magical.

5. Year in Review: this year was...Wow. We almost lost our family, which brought us closer. Courtney almost lost her faith, which made her stronger. Todd graduated with a 4.0 high honors in massage therapy, which helped him find himself. Caton...at 8, what can I say? She's still Caton! And I realized I am where God wants me to be which helped me forgive and move on. We've eliminated unnecessary drama (because some drama is SO necessary when you have a teenager) and made new friends.

All in all, life is good and we are blessed beyond measure. My heart is full this New Year's Eve and I am praising God for all He has done and is doing in our lives.

Bring on 2011!

Making it My Own

I can't stand the holidays.

Seriously!

Well, that WAS my attitude - before my wonderful husband got ahold of me.

I mean, really. Holidays have always been tough. A constant reminder that I "don't have family" (which is really a myth), the financial worries, stress of "year end" at work, finding "that perfect gift," making sure I have gifts for everyone who's expecting one (read: who I know is getting me or those I'm responsible for one) and participating in the "normal traditions" of the holidays - no wonder I'm nuts!

Yes, I know. We are supposed to concentrate on the real reason for the season. Jesus' birthday. Never mind that it isn't really His birthday but just the time of year we celebrate it. And yes, I know, we're celebrating His birth - not His birthday - which is agreeably important. But what happened to singing a song, blowing out candles and eating cake?! And can I just say that if you say "season" in the reminder of our focus, it only brings attention back to the things you're trying NOT to focus on.

This year, as I started my "I am soooo dreading this..." and the "is it next year yet" comments, my beloved husband graciously pointed out the obvious...

"You are ruining the holidays for yourself and everyone else, you know."

After the shock of his loving point passed, I tuned back in to what he was saying...

"So there are parts of the holidays that you can't stand. Everyone feels that way. Just ignore the parts you hate - eliminate them from your tradition - and make it your own."

Wow.

So! In an effort to enjoy the holidays - and allow others to enjoy it too - I'm making it my own.

Sending Christmas cards? Check (except for a few I still need addresses for)
The snowman tree I've been wanting to do for years? Check!
Taking the last two weeks of the year off? Check!
Taking a fresh look at Christmas music? Check!
Focusing on the family I do have instead of those I'm better off without? Check!
Realizing that the simple gifts are the best? Check!

I'm not promising...but I might even bake some!

And yes, in case you're wondering, I AM enjoying this year's holiday season more than ever before.

Buzzzzzzzzzz

I have ADHD.

Shocker, huh?

For those of you who have been living under a rock, that stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. I've had it all my life. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to eat certain things. Like syrup on pancakes. I had to eat jelly or jam. I wasn't allowed to eat any candy bars except Almond Joy or Mounds. Trust me, when your parents don't allow you to eat any other candy bars - you WILL feel like a nut. I wasn't allowed to eat cereals except for Granola, Shredded Wheat, Cheerios or Raisin Bran. I was allowed to put sugar on them though...didn't that defeat the purpose?

Anyway! Why am I telling you all this? A couple of reasons really. One, I started really struggling with focus a few months ago - right about the time things at work required more brain power. Really? NOW I have trouble with focus? I've lived my whole life with this...why now?

Second, I am reading this book: Buzz: A Year of Paying Attention. Essentially, Katherine Ellison (the author) is an award-winning journalist who was diagnosed with ADHD at the same time as her 12 year old son. She decides to devote a year toward researching and writing about ADHD and the book is a combination of her personal experiences and the findings of her research. So far, the book is encouraging and enjoyable to read. Some of the things she talks about is so "on point" with my life that it's scary.

I decided to write about ADHD because so few people understand what it's like to have it. Shucks, lots of people have told me it doesn't even exist. Uh huh. Right. Good thing I couldn't focus on what they were saying to hear the rest of their opinion. It might be over-diagnosed, over-sensationalized, and under-understood but ADHD is MOST DEFINITELY real.

And I would know. I have it.

Watered Down Power

My mind has been going in about a bazillion different places today.

In Sunday School, Steve said something that just completely blew my mind. He said, "I am so glad that God saw fit to put Paul in prison so much." I did a double take (as did everyone else who was listening) and he went on to explain that putting Paul in prison was how God slowed him down enough to write. It was a little tongue-in-cheek, I know, but it hit home. Hard.

Then, in preaching, I was enlightened by Acts 9. The same power that stopped Saul in his tracks, blinded him, convicted him, stumped him for three days and healed him is available to us today.

How sad is it that we live our lives as if we believe just the exact opposite? I do the same thing.

I noticed that as soon as Saul was healed of his blindness, he went to work for God. He didn't say, "Well, I have to study before I can go teach in the synagogue." He also didn't say, "I have to work on myself some before I try to teach others." In fact, his actions were so quick and immediate that AFTER he taught in the synagogue, Christians were trying to figure out how to defend themselves against him. Think about that. News travels fast - especially "juicy" news - and such a change in Saul would certainly be juicy. He was moving faster than the rumor mill!

How many times have I said, "I'll get myself right before I..." or "I'm not qualified because of..."

HELLO!?

Saul/Paul LITERALLY crucified Christians one week and was teaching about Christ BEFORE the next. Talk about needing time to get "right" and lack of qualification! He could have easily said both "I need to learn and study" AND "I'm not qualified" and NO ONE would have argued with him! He let the Holy Spirit do the work and he was just a willing vessel.

But then I say to myself, "well, things are different now." But they aren't. Because according to the scriptures, that same power is available to us today! The Holy Spirit doesn't get watered down over time. God didn't afford His power to just those of the early church and then leave us alone and defenseless. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's why we have the faith we do!

So how does one get to that point? How do you get to the point that you are so close, so "right" with God that the Holy Spirit can speak through you, give you courage and clear direction and conviction to act? How does one get so focused that they can approach those who are better off, more educated, with more authority and better thought of with such boldness that they shock them?

Going by Saul's example, two words: Radical Transformation.

I wonder what that would look like in today's world? I admit that sometimes I want to go away and hide from the rest of the world because that seems the only way I can focus on God. But what would it look like for one to be radically different and yet still in (really OF) this world?

Check out this quote Michael shared in his closing prayer: "I think the greatest miracle God can do is take an unholy man out of an unholy world, make that unholy man holy, and put him back in an unholy world and keep him holy." (Leonard Ravenhill)

Coincidence?

I've been thinking about coincidence. Do I believe in it? Do I not? I decided to do some research. Not surprisingly, I learned a few things.

One...Luke 10:31 is the only place that specific Greek word is used (Sugkuria). Interesting, all the more, because it's a parable spoken by Jesus.

Then I did a search in several translations for "by chance" as well as "coincidence." "By chance" is found in 1 Sam. 6:9, 2 Sam. 1:6 and of course Luke 10:31. "Coincidence" is not found in the KJV or the ASV. It is found in Young's Literal in Luke 10:31 and the ESV and NLT both have it in 1 Sam. 6:9.

For an evidence person, that's not a lot of evidence to support a "I believe in coincidences" statement.

Then, because my brain might be too small to comprehend everything is by God's orchestration and design, I clicked on the resources tab and found this:

Chance
( Luke 10:31 ). "It was not by chance that the priest came down by that road at that time, but by a specific arrangement and in exact fulfilment of a plan; not the plan of the priest, nor the plan of the wounded traveller, but the plan of God. By coincidence (Gr. sungkuria) the priest came down, that is, by the conjunction of two things, in fact, which were previously constituted a pair in the providence of God. In the result they fell together according to the omniscient Designer's plan. This is the true theory of the divine government." Compare the meeting of Philip with the Ethiopian ( Acts 8:26 Acts 8:27 ). There is no "chance" in God's empire. "Chance" is only another word for our want of knowledge as to the way in which one event falls in with another ( 1 Samuel 6:9 ; Eccl 9:11 ). (reference)

That last statement...the "Chance is only another word for our want of knowledge as to the way in which one event falls in with another" one got me. That so sounds like the human mind/nature/tendency.

We try, unsuccessfully usually, to make something "fit" according to how we understand things instead of focusing on the fact that God's mind (wow, God has a mind - never really thought about that before) is unequivocally much better than ours.

Why do we do that? We justify and rationalize away God's works and wonders in exchange for what we can understand. Isn't that just the opposite of what we really want? We say we want a "wonderful" faith and to see God "work" and yet when He does, we belittle and minimize it and make it human.

Shame on us, huh?

Speechless

During Sunday School this morning, Courtney collapsed.

Okay, that's a little dramatic - I think. I'll let you decide...

She and a friend were horsing around and the friend kicked her in the butt. Immediately, Courtney experienced severe abdominal pain and began vomiting. She made her way to the bathroom in the youth department where she continued to vomit and writhe in pain. She was found by hero number one and checked on by hero number two. While hero number one went to get me, hero number two stayed with her.

When I got to her, my heart fell to my feet. Shaking, vomiting, sweating, pale as a sheet, hurting more than she's ever hurt in her life, my precious daughter was sitting on the bathroom floor. One look and I knew - we were ER bound. While hero number two stayed with her, I went to get her father from our Sunday School class. We collected everyone together and rushed her to the ER. We (Todd and I), in our vast medical knowledge and education, were sure her appendix was rupturing. Okay...maybe not that (even though my own experience with appendicitis last November at least gave us some knowledge) but we knew something serious was happening.

Have I mentioned this child never gets sick and almost never cries?

Todd dropped us off at the ER door and while waiting the extremely long five minutes for them to call her back, my beloved child begged me to keep her from dying. She literally said, "Mom, please ask Jesus not to take me yet." Let me just tell you. Those are words you never hope your child even thinks, much less asks. All the strength in the world won't hold back tears on that one.

They took her back to a room immediately and, as the nurse took her vitals, Courtney's color began to improve. It was slight, and she was still writhing in pain, but I noticed. The nurse's eyes told me she believed the same as me...something serious seemed to be going on. We waited for some time for the doctor and as we waited, she seemed to become less irritable - she was pretty sharp-tongued early on. The doctor finally came and announced that they were going to run some tests (gasp!) and he'd make a diagnosis after those (I'd have never guessed). One funny thing...he did ask Courtney if church normally kicks her in the butt like that. Her answer: not usually enough to land me in the ER!

Both mine and Todd's phones were constantly buzzing with friends and family inquiring about Courtney and offering prayers. It was very comforting as we waited - and waited - and waited some more.

When the doctor finally came in with a diagnosis, Courtney was feeling much better. And by much better, I mean hardly any pain, no vomiting, no shaking, no sweating, normal color - and hungry. The diagnosis? A UTI. My jaw dropped. I've had UTI's before. I've never heard of, seen or experienced them doing what Courtney went through.

After getting her something to eat and taking her to (at her request) hero number two's house - Todd and I had time to debrief. He firmly believes - and my belief is growing - that something serious was going on with Courtney and the prayers of friends and family healed her.

I believe in prayer. Truly I do. But I can't tell you the transformation I saw before my eyes today. Can it really be explained as answered prayer? A miracle?

My brain wants to look at the evidence but my heart tells me it's true - prayer changed things.

And I'm speechless...

Friends or Acquaintances?

I can't be the only one...we can't be the only couple...it's not just us.

Those are the words I spoke to our pastor and friend a few days ago. After his sermon last Sunday, my heart and mind have been busy battling the truth. We don't have friends.

We need connection. We are designed to connect with others. And we are lacking.

I've always been insecure in my friendships. "They don't really like me. I'm not good enough to be their friend. They think I'm weird. I am weird. Their lives are more together than mine." I really don't have to go on. I can't be the only one that thinks that way.

For people surrounded by other people, we are not connected at all. Oh sure, if you're reading this you might THINK we're connected - I thought so too. After all, I do care for you and others very deeply. But I'm not CONNECTED to you. Todd and I are not CONNECTED to other couples. We look at others in our church and community and see deep, long-suffering, loving relationships and we say "how is that possible?" We can't be the only couple saying that.

After talking with Michael, I am assured that it's not just us. There are others out there that are without that "inner circle." There are others that pass hundreds of people in the church hall saying, "hello, how are you" and never even think about talking with those people outside of church. There are others that go to work every day and have those superficial, non-committal relationships we call friendships and go home lonely. There are others that want someone to ask them how their prayer life is going...what they're learning from the Bible...how their relationship with Christ is. There are others who want someone to listen as they describe the idiotic thing they did at Walmart today and be just as attentive when their pouring their heart out through tears.

But to have those type of relationships takes investment. Having those type of relationships takes trust and faith and forgiveness. It takes a certain level of acceptance, a high level of confidence and an even higher level of commitment. Those type of relationships take being able to set, accept and abide by boundaries. They take an awareness of where you belong in others lives as well as where they belong in yours. They take the ability to feel and think - the ability to be where someone is and then move with them into the next phase - sometimes immediately.

Having friends takes work. Hard work.
Perhaps that's why so many of us have opted for having acquaintances we call friends?
And perhaps that's why, when it really counts and when we really want that deep, close connection we find we are lacking.

It's not just me.
It's not just us.
It's all of us.

Living on the Edge

I'm living dangerously. Actually, I'm not really. I did the research, I prepared myself mentally, emotionally and physically. I made sure everything was clean and licensed.

And then I jumped off a cliff. I always wondered if I'd have the nerve to do it. And I did! I got a tattoo.

Yes, I know the "stigma" behind them. I know that most people believe that folks who have tattoos - especially women - are trashy, cheap and dirty. Never mind that it's no longer just the chosen art of biker babes but of people of all walks of life. The stigma remains and I'm aware of it.

But I'm glad I did it. I've always wondered if I would have the nerve. I'm not really a masochist. Pain is generally something I flee from. It hurts, you know.

I didn't think it would hurt that bad. To put it the way the tattoo artist put it when we made the appointment, "It's only a little sting and it lasts just a few minutes."

Uh huh.

It wasn't really hard choosing what I wanted. I didn't want anything too obvious. After all, part of the idea of a permanent mark on your body is having people ask about it. I looked for something that had hidden meaning...something that looks and means two different things. Something that would speak of my life up to this point and that, when I explained it, would glorify God.

Where to put it was a little harder to decide. The one thing about tattoos that is true is when you're 80, you want it to look like it did when your skin wasn't over sized and droopy. I learned that there isn't really a place on the body that isn't "tattooable" - a thought that still makes me shiver today. I also learned there isn't really one place that you can place it that it won't hurt some.

I finally settled on my wrist. Although one of the most tender spots, it's one that is not likely to have droopy skin. And yes, I looked at many older adults' wrists to make sure.

So...design settled, location settled, all that was left was getting up the nerve.

And I was good. Really I was. There were four of us getting them all at the same time. I was scheduled to go last...not because I wanted to put it off...because I didn't really care. I wasn't anxious or worried, scared or nervous. Having made up my mind...I was good.

And then it was my turn. The tattoo artist was getting set up, something I watched him do three times already. Everything was sterile and clean, well lit and comfortable. No one who was receiving or had received a tattoo with me there screamed in pain. Folks from all walks of life and social status were in and out - the tattoo process is really very quick. I was good.

And then I sat down, placed my arm in front of the artist and declared myself ready. It was at this moment that he explained that because of the location I'd chosen and the design, he was having to use a very small needle that would hurt more. He smiled and said, "Ready?" Before I could reply he started and WHAM!

When you're getting a tattoo, you have to be careful to be still. They don't strap you down (I'm not sure why not) and if you jerk or pull away, your design will include a nice line from the point at which the artist started and the point at which he realizes you moved. Not good. All my focus was on keeping still. That and getting through the pain.

And it really does hurt - have I mentioned that? Before going, I'd heard everything from it's a "slight nuisance" to "there's not enough pain medication in the world" to describe how it feels.

Do this...take a paperclip and straighten it out. Then, sterilize it with an open flame and some alcohol. Choose the most tender spot on your body you can think of, stick the paperclip into your skin about half-way down the clip and then drag it into the shape of whatever your heart desires. Oh, and in case you've never seen a tattoo being done...to get color added, you take several needles together, line them in in a line and literally color like you're using a crayon.

Yes, ouch.

I'm happy I did it. I'm happy it's done. And I'll be glad to explain to you what it means if you want.

Just don't ask me to do it again!

Shamelessly Bragging

I have a beautiful family.

Yeah, I know. I'm bragging. But what wife and mother shouldn't brag on her family?

Our friend Paige took these fantastic photos of us. See for yourself!

(And by the way...none of these have been edited yet --another shameless brag!)

Fort Fisher Aquarium Photos!

That's Not Funny - Because It Means I'm Getting Old

I am NOT old enough to have a daughter going to prom!

I am old enough to take my daughter to get her hair done:

But I'm not old enough for her to look this grown up!

My favorite pic - even though I am in denial about the whole thing!

But we still have our sense of humor!

And even her sister gives her blessing!

(check out the door)

Ready or Not, Here They Come!

As promised, I am starting to blog about my "Faith Stories" - those stories where God does amazing and wonderful things for me and those I love.



To allow me to blog about other things (That's Not Funny Friday, etc.) I have created a page for the Faith Stories. Above my most recent post, you will see HOME and FAITH STORIES. If you click on the Faith Stories button, you will go to where the stories are.



If you want to join me in blogging about your own faith stories, I have placed a "linky thingy" to the right. I sure hope I've done it right (I'm not great at HTML Jess)!



Blessings!

Faith Stories

God is just awesome, isn't He? Don't get me wrong, I've known this for some time now. But I am amazed at how often and how greatly He shows us His awesomeness. Is awesomeness a word? I don't know...but I used it anyway.

Tonight, in women's bible study, my dear friend Gaylin talked to us about Jochebed. I didn't think I'd heard of her before either but turns out I had, I just didn't know her name. That might be the same for you. She was Moses' mother.

Jochebed is only mentioned by name twice in scripture (Exodus 6:20 and Numbers 26:59) but she is listed in the Hebrews list of Saints (Hebrews 11) because she did not fear the king's edict. We know more about this woman than her lack of fear. We also know she had someone who loved her enough to tell her the stories of old - what we now have access to in our Bibles. Someone cared enough to tell her that Noah used pitch on the Ark - a nugget of information she used to prepare the basket she put Moses in before placing him in the Nile river. She was a slave. She wouldn't know what it takes to build a boat. Someone cared enough to tell her about Noah doing it and she remembered to use it to protect her son.

As I was pondering this nugget of info, Gaylin said something I doubt I'll ever forget. It's our responsibility to tell our own faith stories. We must tell others what God has done and is continuing to do in our lives. We must tell our children how believing in Him changed our circumstances, made our lives better and how. God is still in the miracle business. He still cares for His children, provides for them and nourishes them. Why shouldn't we be telling everyone we can see about what He's done for us!?

For a long time now, I've been keeping the "inner workings" of our lives private. It's one reason I haven't blogged as much as I used to. I thought showing what God was doing for us, through us and in us would somehow make others think we were pitiful. I thought by admitting His blessings and provisions, I would be admitting weakness. Don't ask me why I thought that way...if you're reading this you already know I'm a little off.

So! In an effort to record my own Faith Stories, I am going to share them here. It will probably take me a while to get all caught up and I hope you are blessed by reading them.

Maybe I should get one of those widget thingies so you can record your Faith Stories too and we can all link them together! Too bad I don't have the technical skills my friend Jess has or I would do that. (No subtle hints or anything.)

That's Not Funny Friday - Bunnies, Fish and Teeth!

It's been "forever and a coon's age" since I did one of these but my family has been histerical all week. I thought I'd share.

1. I picked Caton up from day care the other day and she was exclaiming that she saw the "Easter Bunny" on a nature walk with her class. We have not encouraged nor discouraged the whole Santa Clause/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy deal with Caton. Part of that is because of Courtney. Later, Caton asked her Dad how you know which bunny is the Easter bunny. We live near woods and see wildlife all the time. He said, "He carries a basket." And then Courtney said, "I shot the Easter bunny." No, she's not bitter.

2. Caton has a fish tank in her room. It's she and her Dad's deal - I do not clean up fish poop. It got disgustingly dirty - like the water was green and you couldn't see through it dirty. Wednesday afternoon, Caton and Courtney got a wild hair and decided to look for the fish who were surely dead in the tank. Surprisingly, they were all still alive and HUGE. So they used a strainer and fished them out of the dirty tank. Todd cleaned the tank up, I got a new filter at the store and they transferred the fish into the sparkling clean tank. Caton was so happy her fish were so big and the tank so clean she could see them. About 30 minutes after bedtime, she started yelling that her favorite fish was swimming sideways. Todd tried to comfort her that he was exploring his new surroundings and told her to go to sleep. To make a long story short, within a couple of hours all the fish were swimming sideways. Caton was hysterical. All her fish died and she had to watch them. Eventually, we turned the tank light off. I thought it was sort of funny they all were stuck to the pump. Anyway, about 30 minutes later, she came upstairs saying she was scared because the light on the tank was off. Todd took her back downstairs, turned the light on the tank on and tucked her back in. It was then that Caton wanted to know if Turantulas could get her. Fish to spiders? I dunno.

3. This morning, both girls had a dental appointment to get their teeth cleaned. Caton loves the dentist. Courtney hates it. When they returned home, I got a full report on both girls. Neither had any cavities. Then Caton says, "I have to brush my teeth every time I eat. The dentist knew I haven't been brushing. I don't know how he knew or who told him, but he knew."

Happy GOOD Friday!

The Best Sunday Ever!

We had the best time today.

Okay, I have to confess I feel a little guilty about saying that and knowing that we skipped church. However, sometimes, the best "church" takes place outside of church.

We woke up this morning NOT happy about losing an hour of sleep. Daylight Savings Time are two of the most loathed days in my family. But we've started a new tradition in our family.

It started by getting ready and going to Waffle House for breakfast. Yes, I know the stigma that surrounds Waffle House but since the indoor smoking ban, it's not as bad. They were pretty busy so we all sat at the bar. No one was allowed to text or Facebook - we only could communicate by talking to each other. The kids were amazed at the activities behind the counter. They gave their orders to the waitress and immediately noticed she didn't repeat them back to the cooks the way we gave them to her. They watched as the cooks lined up plates all across in front of the grill, the prep area and the waffle area and somehow kept from mixing them all up. We enjoyed our food as we watched the "show" and left having had a really good experience.

Then we decided it was too pretty of a day to waste so we headed to Lake Thom-A-Lex. We'd never been there, only having driven past it to go somewhere else. We had a blast! It was a little chilly but not too bad. We played on the MONSTER sized playground, took a walk, chased and then fed the geese and then played on the playground again.

Here are a few pictures and videos of our fun:

Not Friday, but Still Funny

Okay, normally "That's Not Funny Fridays" are a) on Fridays and b) about your own children. Well, this is not Friday and I'm actually telling about our nephew. I'll refrain from using his name since I haven't asked his parents if I can use this...but the laugh is worth it.

The conversation went like this:

Nephew: Dad?
Dad: Yes son.
Nephew: I need a plastic bag like from Walmart.
Dad: Really? What are you going to use it for?
Nephew: To make a parachute for the cat.

No lie, that actually happened.

And he's like that all the time!

How Much is Too Much?

How much time is too much to spend with someone else?

No, I'm not looking to abandon anyone here. I'm just exploring.

Is there such a thing as spending "too much" time with your husband? I think most would say no.

Can you spend too much time with your children? I'm not sure what pyschologists would say but I imagine that answer is no too.

Can you wear out your welcome with friends? Family? My mom used to say that fish and company smelled after three days.

When someone says "you spend too much time..." what are they really saying?

You spend too much time at work.
You spend too much time alone.
You spend too much time with him/her.
You spend too much time at church.
You spend too much time online.
You spend too much time obsessing, worrying, cleaning, reading...you fill in the blank with what you've been told.

How much is too much? And is it relative to what you're doing? What exactly is the standard of measure for "too much?"

What do you think?

Nice Job People

Attention - this blog is a parental rant. Read ahead at your own risk. I do not take responsibility for how it makes you feel. I don't care what it makes you think.

I do not pretend to know everything there is to know about parenting. I do not consider myself an expert on teenage behavior (not sure anyone can actually). Just like every other parent, my husband and I struggle with what's the right decision, wrong decision - what can damage our daughters permanently. All things considered, thus far, I believe we've done a fairly decent job.

That does not, however, seem to be the consensus. It appears as of late that our decisions regarding our oldest daughter and who she "goes with" have been the focus of judgement. Don't misunderstand. No one has actually approached my husband or me and asked about said young man, the conversations we've had with them, the rules we've set or anything else for that matter. If they'd bothered to do that, their opinions and advice would have been taken into consideration and perhaps they'd have at least seen what we see.

Instead, certain people have taken it upon themselves to make sure that our daughter knows what they think and how they feel. Without regard to us - HER PARENTS - at all, comments have been both made and expressed to her and others.

What does it matter you ask? Well, that's a great question. It matters because now, my very social, very level-headed, very caring daughter is secluding herself. She no longer desires to hang out with or even talk to those she's worked so hard to build relationships with. Things that she once pitched a fit to do, she now pitches a fit to keep from doing. After observing the latest fit, I sat her down and asked her what was going on. Her response...blew me away. "Mom, if people aren't talking about how I'm different now they're talking about how he gives them a bad feeling. No one even asks what you guys think, what my rules are or if they can meet him. They just launch their thoughts, ideas and opinions without thinking about how they make me feel."

Wow. Really people? That's great. Just great. Now, instead of surrounding her in love, helping her stay true and straight to herself and her faith, you've pushed her away. Instead of being there for her and supporting her, you've communicated lack of acceptance. Instead of looking at him like one of God's children, you disregarded him and communicated judgement to her.

Instead of being what we are supposed to be, you've ended up being just like everyone else.

Hello out there!

Does anybody even read this anymore?

I've become a horrible blogger.

I guess there are several reasons...most of which we all know. Busy, tired, stressed, focused on other things... you get the idea.

What I should be doing is using this as like a journal...that's the idea right? Record on a regular basis the things going on in my life. Let my friends know how things have been going, where I am lacking, etc.

So, I guess, if you're really interested...

Upward Cheerleading: We are coaching two squads this year and it has us HOPPING. Courtney helps with both squads and is FANTASTIC. Caton helps with the younger squad and is willing to do whatever is needed.

Work: We are so swamped! I would love to have time to recruit ministry partners/volunteers and spread the ministry around. It's such a wonderful opportunity to serve and I really think people would enjoy it.

Todd: I am so blessed to have a husband who is dedicated to providing for our family, making himself better and being there for us all at the same time.

Courtney: She turned 14 in January and now has a 16 year old boyfriend. The good news is we know him and he's a good guy. It's amazing to me how people clearly think we are horrible parents and have no ability to raise our children because we allow her to "go with" a guy just 2 years older than she is.

Caton: Becomes more and more like her father every day. The other night, she got in trouble and he was calling her down. She was looking at the floor and he said told her to look at him. I kid you not, she cut her eyes toward him, never moved her head and said, "I am." You have NO idea how many times Todd has done that exact same thing to me! Ha ha ha!

Everything else is pretty much the same. So if you're still reading this, you're up to date and can go back to ignoring my blog for a while. I know I probably will!

(smiley face - send - to quote the Bojangles commercial)

New Year, New Name

When I first started blogging two years ago, I was just starting to write publicly (as in allow others to read what I wrote). I look back on the writings then and I go "ugh" as they were "surface" writings, not really ME but more...I don't know...superficial?

Anyway, I did some checking around on Blogger and found that I could start another blog with a new name and everything. So I am!

I did transfer over some of my posts from the Brown Eyed Disciple blog but for the most part, this one will be the real me. Sometimes loud, sometimes crazy, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes hidden, sometimes real, but...as you all well know...always talking!

Ha ha! I'm just sayin!

~Jenn

If Not Today...

My elbow has been hurting since before I had my surgery.

Ever notice how funny that word is? Elbow. It sounds so, I don't know, juvenile!

Anyway, I noticed it early November when I couldn't pick up a glass of tea without whencing. But then, I got sick and had my surgery. NOTHING hurt after that because of the pain meds.

But a couple of weeks ago, it started hurting again and NOTHING worked. So, I made an appointment to see a orthopedic doctor today. I was pretty excited when I got up this morning. The pain was going to stop! I would be able to lift and fully extend my arm without crying out or flinching from the pain. It was going to be a GREAT day!

So I went in and the doctor came in really quickly. He asked about my elbow and then began to do a few tests. First, was the "squeeze my finger" test. Newborns can squeeze harder than I could. How pathetic! He then flexed my middle finger and I squealed in pain. How stupid! And then he started to feel on my arm and, besides the fact that his fingers felt like ice packs, he touched this one spot and I literally had to refrain from slapping him. That would be embarrassing! He ordered xrays and I was amazed that I could not even lie my arm straight on the xray table.

He came back in and said my xrays were fine (not being able to lie my arm straight is NOT fine) and that he would give me a "little injection" of Cortizone and a numbing medication and a prescription for some anti-inflammatory meds and my elbow would be as good as new in a few days. I noticed right away, he was grinning. If you know ANYTHING about doctors, there are two hints there: 1) what kind of medication requires a numbing agent to give via injection and 2) he was grinning.

Here is how the conversation went:

Me: You're grinning, that means this is gonna hurt.
Him: Well.....
Me: Okay, tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this going to be?
Him: It depends
Me: I love it when even doctors don't answer doctor questions.
Him: (laughing) for different people, it feels different ways. Some never even flinch, some have a caniption. You know your elbow is really tender, right?
Me: Yeah....OOOOWWWWWWEEEEE! That really hurts!
Him: You need to be still
Me: Holy cow that hurts!
Him: Just a little bit. (A little?! On a scale of 1 to 10, it's a 14!)

Immediately after the shot, my arm felt amazing. I had full range of motion and the soreness was minimal. I was so excited! Then he told me it was just the numbing medication and that in a few minutes, I would be hurting even more. He wasn't lying...30 minutes later it hurt so bad I had tears in my eyes.

Now, it is stiff and hurts and I'm NOT happy. I thought the pain would be gone today.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow!

If not today....

My elbow has been hurting since before I had my surgery.

Ever notice how funny that word is? Elbow. It sounds so, I don't know, juvenile!

Anyway, I noticed it early November when I couldn't pick up a glass of tea without whencing. But then, I got sick and had my surgery. NOTHING hurt after that because of the pain meds.

But a couple of weeks ago, it started hurting again and NOTHING worked. So, I made an appointment to see a orthopedic doctor.

I was pretty excited when I got up this morning. The pain was going to stop! I would be able to lift and fully extend my arm without crying out or flinching from the pain. It was going to be a GREAT day!

So I went in and the doctor came in really quickly. He asked about my elbow and then began to do a few tests. First, was the "squeeze my finger" test. Newborns can squeeze harder than I could. How pathetic! He then flexed my middle finger and I squealed in pain. How stupid! And then he started to feel on my arm and, besides the fact that his fingers felt like ice packs, he touched this one spot and I literally had to refrain from slapping him. That would be embarrassing!

He ordered xrays and I was amazed that I could not even lie my arm straight on the xray table.
He came back in and said my xrays were fine (not being able to lie my arm straight is NOT fine) and that he would give me a "little injection" of Cortizone and a numbing medication and a prescription for some anti-inflammatory meds and my elbow would be as good as new in a few days. I noticed right away, he was grinning.

If you know ANYTHING about doctors, there are two hints there: 1) what kind of medication requires a numbing agent to give via injection and 2) he was grinning. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: You're grinning, that means this is gonna hurt.
Him: Well.....
Me: Okay, tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this going to be?
Him: It depends
Me: I love it when even doctors don't answer doctor questions.
Him: (laughing) for different people, it feels different ways. Some never even flinch, some have a caniption. You know your elbow is really tender, right?
Me: Yeah....OOOOWWWWWWEEEEE! That really hurts!
Him: You need to be still
Me: Holy cow that hurts!
Him: Just a little bit. (A little?! On a scale of 1 to 10, it's a 14!)

Immediately after the shot, my arm felt amazing. I had full range of motion and the soreness was minimal. I was so excited! Then he told me it was just the numbing medication and that in a few minutes, I would be hurting even more. He wasn't lying...30 minutes later it hurt so bad I had tears in my eyes.

Now, it is stiff and hurts and I'm NOT happy. I thought the pain would be gone today.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow!